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Monday, January 14, 2013

"They"

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Mom got a wheelchair today. (long pause) I don't know how to deal with this one, this stage of Alzheimers. "They" say that at this Severe Stage (also known as the 7th or final stage) one cannot hold their heads up, need assistance with feeding, and around the clock care. The "experts" say to play their favorite music, look through old albums together, and hold them because deep inside the person is still in there. "They" say to touch, hug, massage their hands with their favorite scented lotion. "They" say to make them comfortable because although they cannot verbally express themselves they are in there, trapped in their own body that is shutting down on them. But "they" never say how we, the family, are supposed to cope. "They", don't have stages of grief for their children, their spouses, their family. This is so unfair...while I sit here trying to handle this stage the words of my dad ring in my ear..."When I look at your mom I see the women who moved the house on Belmont all by herself with her station wagon. She moved it all, never hired a moving truck, never lifted a finger myself. Your mom did everything. I see that women sitting there at the table unable to feed herself without assistance. This woman did all that. I just miss her." My dad is the bravest man I know who holds my mom and still sees the woman she was. And my mom, well she's the bravest woman I know, battling this disease with dignity and class.

2 comments:

Pam Baker said...

Nina, my heart breaks for you and your family. I went through this with my mom 3 years ago and we are facing the progression with Tim's mom now. You are right....there is no handbook for the family on how to cope. Just wanted to tell you I am praying and that you can talk to me if you need to. So amazed by your dad's love for Stella. She is a great and classy lady in my book.
Pam Baker

Sara said...

Nina- this is so hard! I think you writing about it is so wise- not just as a tool for you to process your emotions- but also for others. Helps me to remember how precious our time is with our loved ones. Love you girl- praying for you and your family.